An open letter to the woman who stole the pussy pump last night…
Last night, you stole a Pussy Pump Plus from my store. You left the empty box on the shelf as a reminder of the merchandise we once owned. I know it was you because you were suspicious and quickly left the store after lurking around the section where the pussy pumps (yes, we have more than one) are located. Because I couldn’t catch you on camera, I couldn’t stop you, but I know and you know that I know that you are a pussy pump thief.
I’m just curious, though: why did you steal it? Were you embarrassed? If so, you shouldn’t be - we’ve heard and seen it all. Are you just entitled? If that’s the case, then you just suck a lot at life. We’re a small business, independent and locally owned - don’t steal from us!
Also, I just wanted to let you know that the pussy pump you stole is a really shitty piece of merchandise. I hope you got it home, went to go pump that pussy and were really disappointed and realized what a waste of time it was to steal the toy. In fact, if you had tried to buy it, I would have talked you out of it and pointed you towards a better pussy pumping product.
Anyways, have a great day, and enjoy your stolen pussy pump!
Your Friendly Adult Store Clerk