Why Tuesday is the best day of the week…
It’s Tuesday morning at the porn store. I arrive to open the store at around 9:40am and the store opens at 10:00am. There are already three cars in the parking lot when I pull in. Tuesday is not just the second day of the week. Oh no, at the adult store, Tuesday is a special day: it’s new release day.
On Tuesday mornings, we put out the new porn. Despite the fact that sales and rentals of adult videos have taken a nosedive in the last decade due to the Internet, there are still (surprisingly) porn buyers and renters. There are also a handful of die-hard porn enthusiasts who show up every Tuesday morning and wait for me to open the door so they can be the first people to rent/buy the weeks brand new porn. They are a small group of around 5 to 10 men who hang out out in front of the door until I turn the key. When they hear the click from the lock releasing, they rush into the store and make a bee-line to the back, where the movies are kept. They often wave and say hello as they rush in (after two years here, most of them know my name and I know theirs). Some come in and exclaim “Good morning!” or “Hello Dear!” (some of the older customers call me Dear or Honey or Sweetheart. For some reason, it doesn’t much bother me). Others keep their eyes fixed to the back wall, make no eye contact and say not a word (or perhaps grunt in acknowledgment of my salutation).
The back wall is where the new releases are kept. Movies that are new this week have a special tag on them saying, aptly enough, “New This Week!” The movies are separated by genre, even in the new release section. The genres are broad and include: all-female (“lesbian” is an incorrect label as I’m 99% confident most of these women are not lesbians), all-male (“gay” is an incorrect label here, as well), bisexual (threesomes and moresomes where the men have sex with one another - why ‘bisexual’ is an appropriate label here while ‘gay’ is not in the male-male movies, I’m not quit sure. I think it’s likely that there is not a better description), transsexual (chicks with dicks, dudes with boobs), specialty (“fetish” is too off-putting for customers, or so says the owner of the store – these are movies about a specific fetish or somewhat non-mainstream sex act, including (but not limited to) hairy women, fat women, old women, feet, BDSM, enemas, strap on sex, and latex/rubber), all-black (self explanatory), interracial (although, to be honest, this is only for white-black racial couplings), international (brown people of all types), instructional (how to win friends and eat pussy), alternative (independent porn studios featuring artsy camera angles and women with lots of tattoos and piercings), storyline/couple (porn with a plot - it’s as bad as you imagine), classics (this is your dad’s porn), amateur (shot at home, etc.), and general (this is the most confusing section for me because it’s saying that all the other genres of porn are somehow not general and therefore not normal/run of the mill. Usually the movies here feature white stars performing “run of the mill” sex acts [threesomes, anal sex, blowjobs, ass-to-mouth, cum shots, cream pies – all are “run of the mill” for the porn world]). The movies are then alphabetized by studio (this does not apply to the new releases, as they only take up one wall). From there, you’re on your own in finding your porn (unless you provide me with a title or star - then I can search our database).
The Tuesday morning crowd have very specific tastes. First, they must have the newest porn and they have to be the first people to get it. Second, they want very specific things, which varies from person to person. Mr. Young a short white man in in his early 60’s who always wears a baseball cap. He has a noticeable stutter when he speaks and is a die hard conservative. Mr. Young only rents all-female movies and nothing else. He has rented from my store for four years and I can assure you that every single movie he has rented (he rents 2 movies at a time at least twice a week) has been an all-female movie. He is very particular about the studios he rents from, as well. He becomes grumpy and irate if we do not have enough all-female movies on Tuesday, or if we do not have any all-female movies from his preferred studios. It is safe to say that Mr. Young loves watching women have sex, but doesn’t think they should be allowed to get married.
Wayne is a young black man in his mid 20’s. He’s tall, medium-skinned and heavyset. Wayne only rents all-black and interracial cast movies. He rents five movies at a time (which is our limit). Wayne is a big sports fan and talks sports with some of the other customers while waiting to be let in on Tuesday mornings, or when waiting to be checked out once he’s made his porn decisions. Wayne hates the Yankees, but loves Pinky (she’s a popular black porn star).
Mr. Marks is a handsome, nicely-dressed black man in his 40’s. He always arrives in a rush and always comments on how everyone is here so early and wonders if “[the other customers] have things to do.” He seems to look down on the other customers for arriving so early on Tuesdays. I always want to point out that he, too, is here at 10:00am on the dot every Tuesday morning, but I hold my tongue. Mr. Marks has broad porn tastes, but he generally leans towards interracial and bisexual films and he has a special fondness for movies featuring hairy women. I know Mr. Marks favorite titles - he’s especially fond of the Afro-American Hair Pie series. Mr. Marks loves a hairy bush, but hates the other Tuesday morning customers.
Mr. Dennis is a short, thin white man in his late 50’s. He prefers movies featuring petite blonde white women. He is quiet and never looks me in the eye. It makes me uncomfortable, but he is always polite. Once, Mr. Young was going off about Obama and his health care plan while I was checking him out and Mr. Dennis was waiting behind Mr. Young. Mr. Dennis must have seen my exasperation with the situation (this may come as a shock, but I’m one of those bra-burning, gay-lovin’, porn-sellin’ liberals), because it’s the only time I’ve seen him really speak up in the store. Something tells me Mr. Dennis is a Democrat.
John is a tall, very heavyset, light-skinned black man in his 40’s. He generally rents a wide variety of movies, but he loves fat women and movies featuring them. John is soft spoken and hates to ask the female staff to look up movies for him because he gets flustered saying the dirty words to us (I asked him about this once, and he said he was raised to not say certain things to a woman - for some reason, it struck me funny that he would watch women do dirty things in movies like “Greasy Ass Booty Poppin’” and “Phat Phuck Girl” but would not say the dirty words out loud to the women). He’s harmless, but has a tendency to ogle the female staff members. He also gets very sad if any female staff member appears to be losing weight and will encourage them to eat more.
This is one thing I love about my job: I know my customers. They know me. I know intimate details about their sexual preferences and I feel like, for that reason, we share some kind of strange connection (although one-sided - they know nothing about my tastes). I likely know more about their fantasies and sexual preferences than their wives, girlfriends or partners. Maybe that’s weird, but I think it’s interesting and a bit of a fascinating sociological experiment.
There are other Tuesday morning regulars, but I’ll get to them at some other point. Maybe next Tuesday, when there will be more new porn!